I need an adventure.
I need breathtaking scenery and large bodies of water and tall trees. I need a row boat, a book and a few lonely hours. I need colors that I have never seen before. I need a long run. I need an out-of-this-world hike. I need screaming waterfalls. I need an endless sky of towering monsoon clouds. I need a river moving so fast, I can hear the boulders beneath the surface rolling along with the current. I need rain and a good conversation. I need thunder that shakes the earth. I need lightening that strikes so near, I can feel my hair stand on end. I need fresh air.
I just bought an accordion! Life is about to be awesome!
I love the world.
My mom and I decided to fuel my caffeine addiction and drive through Starbucks this morning. As I fumbled for my wallet, the barista at the window told us that the car before us had paid for our coffee and wanted us to have a wonderful day.
Honestly, I had been feeling really dejected this morning for some reason and those people just made today infinitely better. It’s amazing what a small act of kindness can do. So we decided to pay for the car behind us.
I love everyone.
Updates and such.
These last few weeks have been crazy hectic. I haven’t had very much time to myself, which has lead me to feel a little bit crazy. I’ve been running a lot (pretty much the only athletic thing that I can do due to my lack of ability when it comes to sports) which has allowed me to purge some of my stress…but I just haven’t had any time to think. It’s been about a month since I was able to just sit down and write. I suppose I’ll give an update on the last few weeks.
I had been working for the Brewers for Spring Training (good thing I knew absolutely nothing about baseball…but I learned!) and had a lot of fun. I mostly worked in Guest Services and there were some pretty prime people that came up to my window to talk (or complain) to me. I loved it and can’t wait to go back next year. I met a lot of great people and thoroughly enjoyed every shift I worked. I think I might like baseball now…which is strange because I thought I would only ever like watching hockey. My dad would be proud. Ha!
I was recently given the position of fronting the Worship Band in the Coffee House service at my church. I was already singing harmony and an occasional song with a man who had been leading the service for a while, but he stepped down from the position and they asked me to fill his spot. At first the job was really stressful and I had an extremely hard time having confidence in myself and knowing that I was capable of leading such a large group of people. I felt much too young and very inexperienced…and then I realized that I was being used for a reason, and that it didn’t matter how much experience I had or how old I was. Once I left those worries behind, I was able to lead everything without much difficulty. Leading a few hundred people in prayer stopped intimidating me, I let go of my fear of our bands new sound not being received well (we’ve begun to gravitate towards an interesting concoction of jazz mixed with alternative folk) and just let God take care of the rest. I couldn’t be happier with the result.
I finished The Town and the City much, much too quickly and am a bit depressed that I don’t have another book to read.
I finally did well on one of my piano exams, which was nice. I can find almost any instrument with strings and be able to play it quite soon after I pick it up, but the piano is not as easy for me. It’s actually kicking my butt and I kind of hate it.
Men confuse me.
I need to keep a 3.5 GPA for my scholarship. Help.
I just turned in an essay yesterday evening that was by far the WORST work I have ever done. I’m quite nervous about getting the results back and am pretty mad at myself for doing such a crappy job on it. It was about the sudden rise in female smoking (a topic that really did not interest me at all) and I pretty much put zero work into it.
I guess I need to start training pretty hard if I intend to run the half marathon in six months. I can run about five miles without feeling too rank, but that needs to up itself to thirteen. We’ll see I guess.
The semester is almost over and I am beginning to freak out. I hate how fast this year went. I love GCU. I love my friends. I love the music program.
I’m counseling at Montlure again this summer. I really can’t wait for it. I’ve been counseling there for five years now, I have watched my kids grow up- and it really creeps me out how much they have grown. My first batch of kids will be Sophomores in High School next fall. Talk about scary.
I didn’t scan this post for typos so if there are any blaring mistakes in here, I beg for your forgiveness. You probably didn’t even read this far.
Just made some super yummy cookies!
Sometimes I listen to certain music to influence my mood.
And I haven’t really had a mood in the last couple of days. I’ve just been floating. And I really hate that.
So I put on some music that usually puts me in a sort of melancholy. I’m always most creative when I feel this way.
I’m in one of those moods…
And I feel like everyone around me is so immature. I’m probably being a super D, but oh well.
I am in no mood for scholastic ventures today.
Oh, College, you have made me lazy.
I had a horrible headache all day…
And then I realized that I hadn’t had coffee yet. Great. I’m a caffeine addict.
Can you hear that? It happens around this time every night— The whistling of the train. Can you hear that strangely romantic, melancholy sound? It is a cry that sails through the night on wings of shadows and fluorescent lights. It is the call of sorrow. Of confusion. Of loneliness. Of farewell. The sound of that train will dance through the darkness and gently caress the eardrums of the mourners in soft acknowledgement. The sound of that train will waltz into the lives of the euphoric and joyfully sink into the track of their effervescent laughter.
Wether the whistling of trains holds meaning in the lives of others, I will never know. But I do know that somehow, in some small way, I was just connected to hundreds of people at once.
The thoughts I entertain.
I keep thinking about my mortality.
And how everything has been running in circles.
Each day goes by faster.
I need to take more risks but risks scare me.
I should be studying, but instead I am looking up useless information about conspiracy theories.
And I just want to sleep and have a good dream.
But I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking.
About driving. About decorating. About art. About music. About the future. About the past. About my weaknesses. About the rain. About the sunset this evening. About others.
I think about people I hardly know and make up stories about what their lives are like.
I wish I knew everyone on a personal level.
Because people and the things they do really interest me.
I haven’t been able to write a decent song in over two months.
And I keep thinking about how certain people inexplicably intimidate me.
I can’t stop thinking.